Top Four Games for Driving Drunk — or Designating a Driver

In: Articles by Dave "Holy Goalie" Gardner

23 Feb 2011

The conversation started innocently enough: What games are the best for driving drunk?

We at GameHounds are all adults, and sometimes in an Xbox Live party chat, the conversation just goes its own course.

So when Edie Sellers posed this question, I took suggestion of the Ginger Bitch and decided to give you my list of the best games to be driven around by a designated driver. While she originally suggested to write about the best games to drive drunk, here at the GameHounds we don’t want to promote any illegal activity if possible.

So without further ado here are my top games to be chauffeured around by a designated driver:

1. Red Dead Redemption

Without a doubt being driven in a stagecoach, whether by Heartbreak Ridge or anyone else, is at the top of this list. Even though back in the old West there weren’t any police officers to pull you over, it’s hard enough to control the stagecoach while being sober let alone after a few shots of whiskey at the OK Corral barroom. A few times I don’t think I was capable of riding shotgun let alone driving the stagecoach. But having someone else at the reins, leaving me free to fire my rifle, was just too much fun. Somehow we always finished the missions, but I don’t remember me ever killing anybody or helping the team in any way. It didn’t matter. Riding drunk on the stagecoach will always be the best way to get home safe.

2. Battlefield Bad Company 2

The only thing that compares to riding in the stagecoach inebriated is being on a heavy machine gun in a tank or a helicopter, except when Forceman is driving. But when someone else is driving or flying, having unlimited ammo and not having to worry about driving said vehicle is as close to video-game paradise as you will get. All you have to do is hold the right trigger button and try to aim through your blurry eyes. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t hit anything, because at that point it’s just about shooting the gun. And probably the best thing about it is if somebody destroys your vehicle, you just blame the driver.

3. Crackdown 2

I was never very good at driving the vehicles in Crackdown to begin with, so whether sober or not I always let someone else drive — especially when it came to trying to hit the jumps. Totally sober in the middle of a sunny day I could never properly hit the ramp and get through one of the rings. So I would jump in the passenger seat and, like Avis, I would leave the driving to us — or actually them. After couple of drinks it was fun to sit back and do nothing and let someone else drive through the map, trying to run over the zombies or to make it through one of the jumps.

4. Grand Theft Auto IV

The online free-play of GTA IV was very similar to Crackdown 2. Jumping in a car with somebody and having them create vehicular devastation while you were shooting a gun out the window made for some fun nights after a few scorpion bowls. What was really fun — and we might want to put “fun” in “air quotes” — was jumping out of cars at high speeds and seeing if you could survive. And if you do, then you immediately carjack the first vehicle you see and then take off to create some havoc of your own. Again, not the most wholesome of things to do, but this is just make-believe video-game stuff we are talking about, and that’s what this game was all about.

So if by chance some night you have a little too much to drink, don’t get behind the wheel of your own car, get behind the controller of your favorite video game instead, and even then let someone else do the driving. It’s a whole new level of fun.

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5 Responses to Top Four Games for Driving Drunk — or Designating a Driver



February 23rd, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Not advocating simulated drunk driving? And you call snipers pussies? Open world video games are best played after downing a few, and certainly much safer than the real thing. It’s certainly more fun playing GTA IV drunk than playing a drunk Nico in GTA IV, that’s for sure.



February 23rd, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Well put, Sean.

Leave it to HolyGoalie to wuss out on my challenge to write this article! Of course, I think I was pretty sideways when I asked it.



February 26th, 2011 at 8:54 pm

I wouldn’t say wuss in the Goalie context, Edie…he caught me sporting a sniper rifle in BFBC2 and I’d like it known to all in the sanctuary that he is a man of his word when it comes to harassing snipahs. I felt kinda bad because I swore not to be one but in my defense, even though I was being a snipah, I wasn’t being a pussy CAMPAH. Big difference.


Holy Goalie

February 28th, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Yup caught you with your skirt on sniping in the woods.



March 2nd, 2011 at 12:18 am

Gimme a break, I’m too broke right now to be able to level up my classes by way of the classic ERTS microtransaction PUSSY route.

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