E3 2011: Liveblogging Microsoft Press Conference

Yep. That time again.

And once again, we’re in sunny Los Angeles. Well, actually it’s kinda overcast.

But no matter, E3 has officially-unofficially begun with Microsoft bringing its Kinecty goodness to Monday morning.

Starting at 9:30 we’ll be liveblogging here as we watch the event live. Come here and read what we think as we think it. Show starts in about six minutes, so stay here and hit reload.

UPDATE 1:46 pm: Want to hear what we thought? We slapped together an analysis with Edie and Nick. Short, to the point. Apologies for the sound quality. Technical issues, but they didn’t keep us from putting something together. Am I right?

9:29 a.m. — Go figure. T-minus one minute and they’re already on it. Never let it be said that MS and Musellini don’t make the trains run on time, huh?

9:30 — Game on, friends.

9:31  — Reconnect controller. I don’t know. I kinda hate when they clearly fake those things for laughs.

9:35 — Funny they would start the conference with a non-Kinect game. But don’t get me wrong, MW3 looks freakin’ amazing. And underwater?

9:39 — Holy crap. This demo has gone on for nine minutes. This may be a MS record. I kid, I kid.

9:41  — “All of us have been pouring our hearts and our souls into this game.” Um, yeah. Everyone except those two guys who founded Infinity Ward. Remember them? What? Too snarky?

9:43 — Tomb Raider on Xbox. I’m sorry but at this point it has to be pretty freakin’ amazing to get me interested in Lara Croft. She’s Sonic with tits.

9:48 — Hrm. Looks good, and I like the look and realism, but is it just me or does it look like Wet: Lara Croft? Okay, maybe I’m not the best person to comment. Never liked TR.

9:51 — Did Peter Moore just say that TR was coming in 2012? I thought it was this year? Did it get pushed?

9:54 — Okay, the dialoge control of Mass Effect is kinda cool, but I’m not exactly sure I want to control my party with the Kinect. And notice Shepperd’s face is all fucked up? I guess you get janked again in ME3 just like ME2.

9:58 — Nick just texted me. He wonders if you can use ME3 voice control with just a headset if you don’t have Kinect.

9:59 — Okay. Gunsmith in Ghost Recon is hawt.

10:00 — “Optimize for close combat.” Okay, it’s really, really, really hawt. This is the first use of Kinect that doesn’t seem tacked on. It’s actually faster and better than using a controller. Yeah. Sold on GR now.

10:01 — I guess Ubi is on the Kinect wagon. “All future Tom Clancy titles will leverage with Kinect.” Yeah. That’s committed.

10:05 — Yes, you have improved the Kinect Experience. But Bing? I don’t use Bing on my computer. Why would I want to use it on my Xbox. So we finally get a web browser but it’s tethered to stupid Bing? Why didn’t they just give us a full web browser. Nick says that web browsing doesn’t work on a controller. I say it would if you paired web browsing with Kinect. He likes the Bing. I’m not sure.

10:12 — Just added Nick to liveblog. Just in time for Gears of War.

10:13  — Gears of War: Ice T Blood on the Sand. Wait… I promise… god let it be!

10:15 — Okay, so this is the Gears where it all ends. Why does everyone assume they all die? It could be happy ending! No one expects a happy ending. Right nick?

10:16 – There’s a mech in Gears 3 but Marcus isn’t in it. That’s a waste, I want to drive the mech.

10:17 — Did they just say “Glowey Gravy”? I think they served that in the hotel breakfast room.

10:19: Ryse. Crytek’s game of the fall of Rome. I wish I knew more. Seems like a throwaway trailer. But hello… Halo… Combat Evolved Aniversary. Remastered. repackaged and resold.

10:20 – Ryse uses the Kinect. The video made it look like a fighting game, that’s going to be awkward.

10:23 — Forza 4 will have Kinect headtracking and come on October 11. Hrm. That’s kinda intersting. Wish I knew what Chris thought since I’m not a racing fan.

10:26 — OMG. Are they using a kinect for the whole control of Fable 4? Does that mean int’ an on-rail shooter? Oh god no. Fable Journey in 2012. Hope they get that Kinect working better. That looks awful!! And you know I love Fable!

10:28 — MINECRAFT EXCLUSIVE THIS WINTER ON XBOX AND KINECT. Game over, guys. That game is so huge. Well, unless you control it like you control Fable Journey, then it won’t.  Collaboration with Disney, Kinect Disneland Adventures where you tour Disneyland Park using the Kinect. Strictly kids’ stuff.

10:28 – Fable: The Journey might be good. An on-rail shooter that uses lots of magical gestures. Rolling my arms to create a spear and throwing it like a spear looks cool. If it uses more of these gestures instead of just punching the air to shoot it could be interesting.

10:29 — That last one was Nick. I’m not so sure. – Edie

10:30 — Kinect Star Wars. Yeah, that was an obvious. And it will sell, and probably work pretty well. But it’s Clone Wars looking. Maybe I’m not so into Clone Wars.

10:31 – Star Wars Kinect is another on-rail shooter. Mixes slashing movements for a lightsaber with force power gestures. As far as rail shooters go I think Fable: The Journey looks better. -Nick

10:42 — God I hope Sesame Street Monsters works. Just because I want Tim Schaffer to have a big seller.

10:43 — Officially Kudo never announces anything good. Greasy fuck. Get off the stage. – edie

10:44 — Okay, I may be wrong with that. Scanning your body with Funlabs and import your real self to your avatar games? – edie

10:44 – Kinect can take pictures of you to create an avatar without using the menus. Between this and Bing it’s like Microsoft is saying “menus suck.” -Nick

10:47 — Item scanning is pretty much the skateboard promise from last year. Now: When will you deliver it? OMG TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK ME!! – edie

10:48 — T-minus about five seconds until we see the first “Fuck You” t-shirt and about 10 seconds until we see the first animated dildo on Kinect. -edie

10:52 — I can’t even think about Kinect Sports. I’m still thinking about which dildo to animate when I get home – ThursdayNick

10:52 – How the hell did thursdaynick get in here? -Nick

10:54 — ThursdayNick says you’re gonna see my penis dancing to Lady Gaga in Dance Central 2. Who wants to swordfight? Huh? Bring it! -ThursdayNick

10:57 — Here it is. The “Oh, one more thing” moment. This is the big news. The coup de grace… wait for it….

10:58 — Yep. Halo. 4. you knew it. They could not lest this die.