2011 in Spoilers

The year 2011 was a mixed bag as far as game stories go. Despite all the “threequels,” there wasn’t much resolution; questions weren’t answered and plot threads were left open.

Then there were the games that just didn’t have any story to begin with. They really made my job hard. How can I spoil something that doesn’t exist?

But there were also some gems. Some of my favorite games of last year didn’t have much in the way of story, but they had some great character moments. I can still spoil those, and I will.

Below are a ton of spoilers for the games of 2011. The spoilers are fairly vague, so you can theoretically read this whole post and not spoil any game for yourself. The name of the game being spoiled appears just after the spoiler itself, written in a white font so it won’t be visible unless you highlight it.

Good luck, and remember: These are spoilers, so read at your own risk.

• Your buddy betrays you.  Ace Combat: Assault Horizon
• Aliens kill your female companion right when it looks like a romance might blossom.  Red Faction: Armageddon
• Your ex-girlfriend is really trying to kill you, and your female companion lives—that’s rare for this series, so is this relatively happy ending.  Dead Space 2
• You think your female companion dies, but she really lives. So does your partner, whom you also thought was dead. And the main bad guy…  Bulletstorm
• Your not-really-female not-really-companion actually was a woman.  Portal 2
• You don’t actually rescue your girlfriend. Instead you get stuck in a bad place with her forever. Shadows of the Damned
• The guy you thought was a good guy is really a bad guy and kills your storage container. Dead Island
• You die in a flood. But it’s not really “you” at the time. L.A. Noire
• The creator of a revolutionary technology turns against his creation.  Deus Ex: Human Revolution
• You can’t spoil what’s not there, and this game has no story. But it thinks it does. Ha, stupid game.  Brink
• You successfully steal some fuel. That’s… a rather small victory. Gotta leave room for a sequel I guess.  Homefront
• You visit your childhood home and break a lot of stuff. F.3.A.R.
• You close some magic gates that remove all magic from this fantasy world. Orcs Must Die!
• You meet Abe Lincoln, Alien Hunter. Conduit 2
• You seem to “die” because another personality takes over, but it’s not really clear.  Crysis 2
• All the killings were part of a conspiracy to sow hate and discontent in your nation so another nation could invade.  The Witcher 2
• The mages and knights go to war with each other. Man, with humans like these, who needs monsters?  Dragon Age II
• Your arch-nemesis dies. Hopefully he stays dead and doesn’t just come back to life as these types of characters usually do.  Batman: Arkham City
• Paris gets nuked. Hmm, when you think about it, this can only be one of two games. Battlefield 3
• Only one major character dies. Kind of a halfhearted finale, don’t ya think?  Gears of War 3
• Only one major character survives. Now that’s a finale.  Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
• Supernatural gods ensure the survival of the human race by breaking up couples that aren’t having babies. I shit you not.  Catherine
• You end right back at the beginning. Literally.  From Dust
• You must choose to kill everyone like you, or everyone not like you. A sequel to this one is gonna be tough.  inFamous 2
• Someone you trust molested your sister and burned your house down.  Alice: Madness Returns
• The bad guys’ ultimate goal is some hallucinogenic water.  Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception
• The spoiler is that this is not a good game. Don’t believe the hype. In fact, screw spoiler warnings, this is Child of Eden. Don’t buy Child of Eden.  Child of Eden
• Your enemy is a legitimate heir to the crown.  Dungeon Siege III
• You must choose to fix the world and risk another apocalypse, or keep living in this blown-up land.  Bastion
• The bad guys are turning mutants into…uh…weaponized…mech…mutants? I don’t know why or how, but apparently this is a big deal.  Rage
• It’s a set up. There’s really no treasure to steal, you’re just serving as a distraction.  Dragon Age II: Mark of the Assassin
• You wake up. Yea, I know that’s not much. The real spoiler is that there are no real spoilers.  Assassin’s Creed: Revelations
• You win. I’ll bet you totally didn’t see that one coming.  Need for Speed: The Run
• If you save your buddies you star in a movie; if you abandon your buddies (your monster!) your city becomes a sovereign nation. Saints Row: The Third