2012 In Spoilers

In: Articles by Nick "Alsop Live" Dinicola

13 Jan 2013

2012 was a great year for storytelling in games.

Even if you felt let down by some of the bigger titles, there were a dozen or so downloadable games that stepped up to plate and showed what this medium is capable of: From the world-building of Fez, the character development of The Walking Dead, the wonder of Journey, the personal horror of Papa y Yo Dust: An Elysian Tail, Mark of the Ninja, Lone Survivor… There were several truly personal, moving experiences this year.

Time to spoil them all.

If you don’t know how the game works: Here’s a list of spoilers for almost every major game release of last year and then some more esoteric games that I just felt like spoiling. The spoiler isn’t hidden, but the name of the game is hidden. Highlight the text to see the game — if you dare!

  1. You get to the hospital, defeat a big monster, and just when everything is looking swell the military and a machine gun wielding priest appear outside. Yay, cliffhangers!  AMY
  2. All the assassinations were part of a conspiracy to sow hate and discontent in your nation so another nation could invade. More cliffhangers!  The Witcher 2
  3. You spend the game trying to prevent a shitty future from coming true. You succeed, but then the heroine dies and another shitty future comes true. More cliffhangers.  Final Fantasy XIII-2
  4. Your city is actually part of a giant spaceship. The invaders are coming from another dome. What the fuck are you doing in space? More cliffhangers.  Inversion
  5. You save humanity by sacrificing yourself… and by enslaving humanity to an ancient god. More goddamn cliffhangers!  Assassin’s Creed III
  6. The story is over. The book is closed. Complain about the ending all you want, but at least it’s a proper endingMass Effect 3
  7. Civil war destroys your planet, so both sides hop ship to another planet.  Transformers: Fall of Cybertron
  8. You get dragged into hell, but you seem pretty chill about it.  NeverDead
  9. You finally save your girlfriend from hell, but then she turns into a mystical being, sees the destruction you’ve caused, and decides to leave you in hell for the good of mankind.  The Darkness 2
  10. You learn that an evil god, forever fated to be imprisoned, resurrected you so that you were no longer constrained by fate and could thus free the evil god. You kill the evil god instead. Boy, did that plan backfire.  Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning
  11. As it turns out, Big Bad Guy had a major crush on Sexy Anti-Hero, so he genetically modified Poor Girl to look like Sexy Anti-Hero. Poor Girl retaliated by destroying a city. No big mystery, no conspiracy, all you’re really doing is cleaning up a lover’s quarrel.   Resident Evil 6
  12. Your little floating companion dies. Too bad, it was a cute little… polygon.  Warp
  13. Your little floating companion dies. Too bad, she was hot.  Halo 4
  14. That little gold spider from the beginning is actually God. Why don’t deities ever manifest themselves as something lovable, like a penguin or an otter?  Asura’s Wrath
  15. Your boss killed your family. You were too young to remember, and he gave you pretty swanky life, so personally I don’t see what the problem is.  Syndicate
  16. You’ve been trapped in a dark place and you finally reunite with your wife, but this just might be a product of your imagination. Imagination is strong in this place.   Alan Wake’s American Nightmare
  17. Your significant other died. How you deal with it is up to you. Accept it and escape your hell, stay in your blissful ignorance, or kill yourself.  Lone Survivor
  18. The chick is a robot.  Binary Domain
  19. You don’t find your wife, but she finds your video recordings and gear.  I Am Alive
  20. You don’t die at the end.  Journey
  21. You killed an imprisoned pedophile who abused your son, but in order to gain access to that pedophile you may or may not have had to kill a corrections officer. Your past changes depending on the choices you make in the game.  Silent Hill: Downpour
  22. I could totally spoil the surprisingly complex history of this world, but it’s so batshit crazy — what with the aliens and the owls and the hats and the sunglasses and the monolith and the fucking flying — you probably wouldn’t even believe me. I don’t even believe me. Suffice it to say, this game is a work of mad genius.  Fez
  23. Your friend killed your family. How you deal with this is up to you.  Game of Thrones
  24. You don’t save The Girl, but you save a girl and expose an organ harvesting conspiracy.  Max Payne 3
  25. You can choose to become a god in the end, but that means you can’t interact with the world anymore. Turns out, godhood is so boring that the game actually gives you the option of killing yourself, which then restarts the cycle you were trying to stop in the first place.  Dragon’s Dogma
  26. A girl is sacrificed to a demon by her mother, and you turn out to be the spawn of an angel and a demon.  Diablo III
  27. Your dad survives, and your boyfriend gets the body of a dirty old man.  Lollipop Chainsaw
  28. I don’t think anyone knows how this game ends because no one is able to play it to its end.  Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor
  29. Fuck story, it’s just a game. No, that’s not me trying to be snarky; that’s actually the reason behind everything.  Hotline Miami
  30. The dimensional problems at your house grow to consume the world.  Quantum Conundrum
  31. The guy you were looking for was dead all along. Hell, you might have been dead all along.  Spec Ops: The Line
  32. The guy from the first game really is a bad guy who wants to infect the world. I knew he was an asshole.   Prototype 2
  33. You killed your wife and daughter to save yourself. Once you remember this, you kill yourself.  Deadlight
  34. You resurrect humanity by sacrificing your kin.  Darksiders 2
  35. Your buddy dies, but you probably saw that coming. Oddly enough, no one else in your gang ever realizes your true identity.  Sleeping Dogs
  36. This is no classic hero’s journey; you’re trying to stop an old friend from completing his quest for genocide.  Dust: An Elysian Tale
  37. Everything you though you knew might just be a figment of your fevered, psychotic mind.  Mark of the Ninja
  38. Your planet’s “treasure” isn’t unique, there are a ton of similar planets in the universe, and now you have a map to each of them.  Borderlands 2
  39. Your love interest is actually an evil seductress in disguise.  Fable: The Journey
  40. Your (likely) best soldier sacrifices him/herself to save the earth from an artificial black hole.  XCOM: Enemy Unknown
  41. You’re discharged from the military, but after almost being killed in a terrorist attack you join back up to track down the bad guy and kill him. The War on Terror wrapped up in a neat little revenge story.  Medal of Honor: Warfighter
  42. You might die, the bad guy might live, the White House might get burned down… there’s actually a lot riding on your actions.  Call of Duty: Black Ops 2
  43. Turns out, you didn’t kill your former partner in the beginning, and the girl you’ve been trying to rescue is a genetically engineered clone. Hitman: Absolution
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1 Response to 2012 In Spoilers


Holy Goalie

January 16th, 2013 at 6:32 am

oh I get it. That is a picture of a spoiler for a car.

So that would make sense to go along with the article.


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